Giantkiller moves forward into Full Heterodyning.

[Localjoe]

Its been my handle for 12 years...... Guess id be super cool if i changed it even tho my name is joe.  I could put locojoe but again that makes me sound crazy. So im keeping my nick and i didn't just come around recently man...  But to each their own.
                                                                                                                            Joe

[giantkiller]

I gotta wonder about men sometimes??



________________________________



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking
> for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was
> a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
>
> WAY TOO COOL!
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
>
> I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
> pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same
> time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth
> between the prongs.??
>
> AWESOME!!!?
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
> the face of her microwave!
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !??
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
>
> I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
> second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I
> was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
> mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
> I wrong???
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, and taser in another.
>
> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
> your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
> and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
> purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
> water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> batteries.? ? All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring
> about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really
> and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to
> myself, "no possible way!"??
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
> one side as to say, "don't do it dumbass," reasoning that a one- second
> burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
> decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I
> touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up
> in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
> and over again.
>
> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
> in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere
> to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs!
>
> The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
> before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again,
> stupid, do it again!"
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
> zap yourself!
>
> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
> by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
>
> A three-second burst would be considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-*%#... That hurt like **% !!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
> that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
> surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
> the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and
> both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot
> up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
>
>
> I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward
> for their safe return!!
>
>
> P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
>
> If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid

[electric]

?Twas the Night Before OU Christmas

?Twas the night before Christmas and all through the cave,
Not a lab rat was stirring, not Grumpy, not Dave,
Toroids were strung on the scope with great care,
In hopes that GK would draw power from the air,

Some lab rats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of OU danced in their heads,
The long-neck fizzled as I popped off the cap,
I had just settled down for a shot-glass of Jack,

When there in the cave there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to the Skype-cam to see what was the matter,

There on the monitor, I saw a bright flash,
The screen was a?rollin and chock full of hash,
The flat screen turned white like a new fallen snow,
My blood had turned cold and reluctant to flow,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Mannix and GK contorted with fear,

A third man was dodging the bolts and the sparks,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Marks.

More rapid than light-speed the pulses they came,
Kicks and sine waves and then more of the same,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name,
Now Otto, now Ronotte, Now EMDevices,
Now Marco, Now IS, we need more devices,
On Jason, On Moab, On Vortex, On Bolt,
It?s way past time for an energy revolt,

To the top of the sine wave before it must fall,
Now runaway, runaway, runaway all,
As pulses that before the wild vortex fly,
When they meet with a counter-pulse take to the sky,
To the top of the fork with the sine wave they flew,
With a clockwise rotation and that right on cue,

And then in a twinkling I heard on the cam,
In guttural tone the single word ?Damn?,
The vortex was spiraling around and around,
Onto the table jumped St. Marks with a bound,
He was dressed all in tin-foil from his head to his foot,
His shiny suit tarnished with ashes and soot

A bundle of toroids were strapped on his back,
He look like a peddler just opening his pack,
His eyes how they twinkled,
He was jolly and merry,
He said he must go, he really can?t tarry,
His tight little mouth was clenched in a grin,
The tornado he made had continued to spin,
The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

He made a stern face, his legs turned to jelly,
He jumped in the vortex whooping and yelling,
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon made me sure I had nothing to dread,
He spoke not a word as he rose towards the roof,
In the belly of the BEAST, I now had my proof,
That St. Marks was all that he said that he was,
And that all must continue to strive for the cause.

Up flew his middle digit right near his nose,
He said ?I don?t speak in elegant prose?,
?You all have enough at the end of your nose?
?Get back to work and finish the task,?
?Focused and resolute is all that I ask,
He shot through the roof with only a ?Bye?,
Like a Saturn 5 rocket into the sky,
And I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
?Free energy to all and to all a good night.?

[armagdn03]

Ha ha ha ha ha, thats hilarious! great story!

I have about 4 or so 350,000 volt stun guns at home, and yea, they definitly hurt alot! ive only pressed it to myself once or twice, but did so in a jerky quick motion so that it wouldnt keep going, I cant imagine getting hit by one of those things for more than a fraction of a second, which is ubearable in and of it self.

And wow, that is a really phenominal poem! Im really actually quite impressed!

[Earl]

@electric

bravo for the great poem

@GK

be thankful it didn't have 4 double A's.
Thanks for the laugh, good story.

Earl